a letter to my recently teenage self

I’m laughing just thinking about you.

You celebrated your 13th birthday in an apartment in Petionville Haiti. You got a portable cd player and your very first set of make-up. You’ll spend the rest of that year waiting for your four younger siblings to join you in America. The year you move back from the states, you’ll literally jump from 55 to 85 pounds. And then you’ll stop growing for a long time.

Reading in my corner at our Haitian apartment.

This is an awkward time. I recently found a sheet of paper where you (I?) apparently did a little journalling outside of the journal…

In the movies, the girls go abroad and then, like magic, return as lovely ladies and everyone who knows her sighs and says, “Our little girl is all grown up!” And then some handsome, broad-shouldered gent sweeps her off her feet. Well, for any of you who were wondering, it (growing up) doesn’t feel like magic in reality. It feels like awkward growth spurts and too-short jeans that are loose around your waist and troubles you never knew existed until suddenly they’re your own. 

Yes, you’ll look just as awkward as you feel, but you’ll be well-loved and eventually women’s clothes will fit you. Now stop being so dramatic!

When you’re fourteen, you’ll realize that you’re not a very loving person, you’ve just been surrounded by like-minded people all your life. You’ll learn that love is hard work. You’ll make some big mistakes. You’ll spend a lot of time romping around the pasture with the neighbor boys playing hide-n-seek, tag and “kids’ court.” You will temporarily become a feminine tomboy thing that still confuses me.

Be thankful for your dad. He’s still the best.

If you’re wondering, I can’t give you any insider’s information on whether you’ll marry and have kids, but I can tell you that you don’t marry any of your crushes or imagined matches (yet…) You stay single until you’re (gulp!) twenty years old. I do have one insider’s secret for you…you wind up okay with being single. 

My advice for you while you’re fifteen, sixteen and seventeen would be this:

Don’t spend all your time thinking about boys/a boy. Whoever he was that year, he wasn’t Jesus, so do your daydream thing and move on.

Don’t try to be the perfect stay-at-home daughter once you start reading all those blogs. You’ll never be a patient, soft-spoken, bonnet-wearing maiden. You do, however, learn to cook!

Friendships are vital and rich in blessings, but they don’t all last. Be prepared for a real hard hit in this area. On this side of that bridge, I’m happy to tell you that you survive and ultimately come to a place of peace. You don’t, however, stop missing her.

When you fail, get back up. You’ll have several moments when you want to lie down and call “game over” but don’t forget-Jesus is always working on you. He’s not finished yet.

Yes, you do look several years younger than you are, have extremely long arms and a flat chest. Your nose will never magically inherit your mother’s traits and you won’t get any bustier, but you’ll be seen as beautiful by your family and friends and, in time, learn to base your worth on God’s perspective of you.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Be careful what you say on your blog and think about who might be reading it, but don’t panic and delete the whole thing. Stick with it and reap much.

You are shy right now, but soon you’ll learn that you’re just introverted and start speaking up in groups. You’ll never be an extrovert, but you’ll gain courage.

Don’t stop writing.

High School Graduation Party

The time you have with your little sibling is short and sweet. Rock Jubilee to sleep. Laugh along with Willin. Just play a board game with Sam once in a while.

Give up on being trendy. It will only make you self-conscious, shallow and broke.

PMS is not the end of the world.

Lastly, just remember that time flies and you’re changing fast. You’ll be 20 before you know it. *Spoiler Alert* You will eventually pitch a book to real publishers. You will have a pink bedroom. You will get pet mice. You will get your driver’s license. You won’t go to college and you won’t regret staying at home.

Hang in there!

Your 20-nothing self.

{In honor of her new book Graceful, Emily Freeman asked fellow bloggers what they would say if they could write a letter to send back to themselves as a teenager. It has only been a few months since I said goodbye to my teenage years, but wow-did those years teach me a lot! What would YOU say?}